The cold grip of sadness clasps my heart as who you really are drowns under the heaviness of struggle
The disgusting injustice you undeservedly experience taints too many of our interactions
Cruel stares and icy judgements uninvitedly pierce our existence when we are anywhere other than the sanctuary of our home
Why try venture out of isolation when the world in which we must live steals or destroys our minute moments of happiness?
A poem by JaimeeRae
For the past decade I have been CONSUMED by autism. My brain has literally focused on the pain, the stress, the unpredictability and insane workload autism brings with it. Whether it’s the autistic spectrum disorder diagnosis itself or the unpredictable sleeping pattern, excessive anxiety the children experience, intellectual disability, the non-verbal/ unclear communication system or sensory issues- a combination of any of these has and does wreak havoc in my life. As if this wasn’t enough, trying to access things in society such as early childhood centres, supermarkets, playgrounds, doctor’s offices, shops- far too often these experiences have been riddled with negative judgements and comments from strangers.
Thankfully, these past few months have helped me to realise that I am no longer consumed by autism and stress- yes I am definitely still affected but I am in a more exciting headspace! I feel as if the chains of autism that have bound me for years are finally broken!
I am excited to be in a headspace where I am looking forward to further developing my self-identity. An identity that will co-exist with my firmly established identity of “mama” “mum” or “mommy” to three beautiful boys.
Kororia ki te Atua…